"I am very confused about what I feel and was hoping you could help."

Question

I am 14 years old, I have always thought there was straight, and gay. I am very confused about what I feel and was hoping you could help. I have had a few guy crushes but I think I have a crush on a girl now too. I seem to now look at girls differently in the past two years. I have caught myself looking at girls and I just remember how pretty they looked. And not in the jealous or envious way, in the, I would hit that, way. I still find myself crushing on guys but I am also starting to like girls a lot. One other thing I have noticed is that when me and my mom talk, (she is fine with gay and lesbian but thinks bi is weird) I defend people being bi a lot and almost cried that she didn't understand about people being bi. I haven't told anyone that I am questioning my sexuality mostly because I am still not sure. Do you think that I am bi? I think I might be. I know you can't give me a straight answer of my sexuality but was hoping you could still help me.

Answer from counsellor

Thanks for sharing your feelings with us J I noticed you used the emoticon confusing and sexuality can be so confusing so I am glad that you decided to write in. I won’t be able to tell you if you are bi-because I can’t define your sexuality for you; however I hope we can talk about your journey with sexuality and testing the waters. It is amazing that you are connecting to who you are and trying to define yourself. It’s part of your journey with self-discovery. I hope you are proud because some people ignore those feelings and questions and you aren’t…Yeah! [Thinking you are so brave and strong] Sexuality can be really confusing. That is very normal for most people. For sure you are not alone in feeling this way. A lot of people also want to find a definition and feel it is very important to have one. Does that feel familiar to you? The thing is, sexuality is very fluid and it can evolve over time as you get to know yourself better. So just because you define yourself as something now doesn’t mean that it won’t change throughout your life….that is what sexuality being fluid means. You have experienced this first hand with liking guys and girls and then both guys and girls. Do you see what I mean? That is what is so normal. Sexuality changes with us growing, experiencing and becoming more comfortable in your own skin but also with the people you meet everyday. I’m wondering when you were crushing on those people did it matter what gender they were? Were you attracted to them and drawn to them because of who they were or because they were male or female? I wonder what would happen if you were to allow yourself to keep feeling attraction to those who thought " I would hit that" and not by gender. Would allowing yourself to not define your sexuality lesson some of the confusion you have right now? What do you think? I wanted to mention that I thought you were so brave for testing the waters with your mom. I know that it didn’t go well at first….and it may not. That is what testing the waters is for…and you seemed to do that intuitively so keep up the good work! You can keep testing the waters with people to figure out who may be the most accepting of your news. Here is a link to learn more about testing the waters and how to go about that. http://kidshelpphone.ca/Teens/InfoBooth/LGBTQ/SexualOrientation/I-am-ready.aspx If you want to do some more research or want some more questions answered you can also check out these links as they have a ton of useful information in them. http://kidshelpphone.ca/Teens/InfoBooth/LGBTQ.aspx http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=194&srcid=-2 And of course you can always call us here at Kids Help Phone. The counsellors here are non-judgemental and it is free, confidential and anonymous. We are also open 24/7 which means we never close. If you want to post to us with your questions you can until the end o December or connect with us through chat Wed-Sun 6-2 EST. Keep being you and connecting to who you are J Stay in touch,