"I want to move out to get some freedom."

Question

Hi,I'm in a tough situation right now. I love my family, and they love me. But I am living with an emotional abusive mother and a father with an undiagnosed mental health disorder. I have a sister who I love dearly, but she is on my parents side with just about everything. I am a social person and just two years ago began home schooling. My {edit: content] birthday is in a few months, and I'm looking to move out this summer. My plan is one I've spent over a year thinking through. I have everything set up financially. My only problem is that I'm not sure whether I should move out. It's considered shameful in my community and I know that when/if I do, I want to continue attending the place of worship my family attends every week. I want to also attend our weekly family gathering with my aunts and cousins, but I'm worried if I move out, my mom won't allow me to attend these events. My mom's siblings completely understand me, and want to stand up to my mother, but they're terrified of her because she raised them (my grandma passed away when they were really young) the same way she raised my sister and me. I know that my sister isn't as affected by my mother's verbal abuse because she is detached, and I am sensitive when it comes to my mom. I'm not sure why, but the comments my mom makes destroy me. The things she says mean so much to me because I love her. I feel like someone who's stuck in an abusive relationship because it's just that. My Mom is six months pregnant and I'm scared to death for the baby because I know my mom will abuse this child the same way she abused the rest of the people she raised.My sister and I are expected to study 10 hours a day and are given a total of 2 hours break throughout the day. We wake up at 9 and sleep at 11. The two remaining hours in the day are spent cleaning the house. 2 hours of break sounds like a lot, but really isn't much. half an hour is spent eating. overall, 15 minutes using the restroom and such, 15 minutes talking on the phone with our mom who calls us from work to update her on what we've done throughout the day. the other hour is spent on social media because it is my only connection to the outside world throughout the week. I am a very social person and am never able to see my friends. we've all fallen away from each other. I love socializing and making new friends.I have ADHD and my mom despises the fact that I don't reach her standards. When she's in a good mood she tells me how amazing I am. And I know it. Not because I'm egotistical, but because I tolerate and respect my parents, and have improved so much since when I was a kid. I had anger management growing up, but channel it into sadness now. I am depressed and take anti depressants. I have tried to commit suicide twice. I used to workout a lot and use that as a means of I want to have balance in my life, I want to workout and socialize and have me time where I can read or knit. Not to mention I volunteer at a senior home on Saturdays. this leaves only one day free. on sundays are family days where we spend time with my aunts and cousins.I asked my parents if I could get a job and they were furious. They know it's because I want to socialize and I've love engaging in small talk with strangers. I believe that treating someone with patience and even simply smiling can make a difference. My parents don't give me money and are very stingy even though we are very well off.I'm mature and know exactly what I want in life and where I'm going. I mainly want to move out to get some freedom, and to gain independence. I also want to run away from my verbally and emotionally abusive mother.Now that you have a brief overview of whats going on, these are the questions I have:1) When I start going to university, the university I plan on attending has a president's scholarship, so if I maintain my high grades, I will get a 2k scholarship from the university itself. I have done the [edit: content] calculator and because my parents both have salaries over 200k, I am not eligible for any [edit: content]. Where else can I get money for university? because a minimum wage job can't support me, and pay off my tuition2) How old do I have to be to get a credit card? because I want to start building my credit ASAP. [edit: content] 3 is that a possibility?4) My moodstablizers are quite pricey, is there any organization that'll help me purchase them?5) I'll be 16 when I move out, will I be able to rent a place legally?6) If my parents get a lawyer, will they be able to force me to go back home?.7) I have a RESP account that has enough money to fund my entire post secondary education, but I suppose without my parents consent I can't access it. Can this money be transferred to my sister's account? (I don't want it to go to waste)8) Should I move out? Are there any pros and cons I haven't considered?Thank you so much for your help!

Answer from counsellor

Thanks for writing in to us. You may have noticed that I edited some of the details of your post, just to further protect your identity. Hope you’re ok with that! So I am hearing that you are struggling to deal with an emotionally abusive mom, and living at home is becoming unbearable. You are now thinking of moving out, but have some questions around it. This is a big decision that can be stressful, and I am really glad you reached out. I am concerned that your mom is emotionally abusive. No young person should ever have to live with thatL. There are agencies in place (typically referred to as ‘children’s protective services) across Canada that can help you family, and help keep you safe. If you ever want to contact them, you can call us and we can look up the agency in your province: 1-800-668-6868. In the meantime, I will do my best to answer your questions: Where else can I get money for university? It sounds like you have done your research on ways to fund your educations. Besides a government loan and scholarships, you can also look into bursaries and grants. Check out this link for more information under “paying for school”: http://www.canlearn.ca/eng/planning/continuing/index.shtml#paying .You mentioned your RESP as well, in question 7. You can contact your bank to get specific information on whether or not you are allowed to access it without parental consent. How old do I have to be to get a credit card? Most companies require you to be 19 to apply for a credit card. Again, you can ask your bank about this. Can I apply for welfare? Check out this link that shows you the type of social assistance available, based on the province you live in: http://www.canadabenefits.gc.ca/f.1.2ch.4m.2@.jsp?lang=eng . For further information, please see this link from our website: http://www.astepbeyond.ca/upload/documents/uder18.pdf My moodstablizers are quite pricey, is there any organization that'll help me purchase them? This could also be something covered by social assistance. I am also wondering, because you are leaving home due to an abusive environment, your parents may be financially responsible for you until the age of 18. This is something children’s protective services may be able to help you explore. I'll be 16 when I move out, will I be able to rent a place legally? I believe you are able to rent housing at the age of 16. You can refer to this website for further legal information on moving out: http://www.jfcy.org/ If my parents get a lawyer, will they be able to force me to go back home? No, at 16 years of age in most provinces, you can legally leave home and your parents cannot stop you. I have a RESP account that has enough money to fund my entire post secondary education, but I suppose without my parents consent I can't access it. Can this money be transferred to my sister's account? This would be something to check with your bank aboutJ. Should I move out? Are there any pros and cons I haven't considered? This is a big question that I couldn’t answer within this post, unfortunately. Would you be willing to give us a call? We are available 24/7 and are happy to discuss it with you. Well, I really hope this was helpful for you, please feel free to call us anytime for more support, we are here for you.