"I'm very angry and frustrated, and I don't know what to do"

Question

I have a problem with a girl that I went to the same school with (lets call her D). This is a bit of a long story, but I really appreciate you taking the time to read it. Now, lets begin. A few days ago, I was on MSN and D came online and sent a message asking "are you a lesbian?". I told her that I wasn`t and why would she ask that because

I thought she knew I had a boyfriend. She told me that one of her friends told her that I was. She then told me that she thinks I am a lesbian and so did like 10 other people and then I was blocked. I felt really frustrated, someone does hack her account sometimes so I thought it might be that person joking around. The next day, I found out from a really good friend who is closer to D (we`ll call her C) that it was really D that was saying these things about me. I felt really frustrated and I felt like doing really harsh things to her. I tried my best to let it go, I sort of did but I couldn`t help thinking about it, so I sent her an e-mail explaining to her that herself and her friend don`t even know me and they shouldn`t

judge someone before you get to know them. I then blocked and deleted her on my MSN. I`m not sure if you know, but there is this site called facebook where you can connect with your friends from school and stuff like that. She keeps sending me messages harassing me saying that all my friends think that I`m a lesbian and that my boyfriend is fake and things like that. She even called me some rude names that I don`t want to mention on this post. I messaged her again on the facebook site to leave me alone, but she won`t. I told my mom today about it and she said that shes just trying to get attention and that nobody would listen to her. I told my good friend C I mentioned about too. She is also arguing with her at the moment, and is not going to talk to her for about a week, but she said she would talk to D for me. She is kind of in between this fight because we are both her friends, I don`t want her to get involved if it puts her friendship with D on the line. I don`t know what to do anymore. She said that other people think I`m a lesbian too and I have a feeling she`ll tell other people around the school and will start spreading rumors. I will be in Grade 9 this September and I won`t be around this girl anymore, but I don`t want to visit elementary school and have all these people thinking negative thoughts about me that aren`t even true. I especially don`t want to run into her when I visit either without her on my back saying things about me that aren`t true. Please help KHP, I`m sick and tired of this girl. I`m very angry and frustrated, and I don`t know what to do anymore because I did nothing to upset this her!

Answer from counsellor

I am sorry to hear this is happening to you! You are right, it is unfair…like you said: you didn’t do anything wrong to this girl but unfortunately she finds it exciting to spread rumors about people and hurt them… From what I understand, you already deleted her from MSN, which is a good thing. But she is now very active and virulent on facebook. There is one thing that you can do about that. Every user of these public sites needs to sign an agreement that they will abide by the rules and regulations promoted by the site. Harassment of any kind and cyber bullying is completely inappropriate and illegal and users doing it can be banned from the site. You can warn your friend that you are going to report her if she continues to harass you. If you receive hateful messages that you do not want in your profile, you can report them anonymously to the administrators of the website. I do not want you to feel disappointed, but there is always going to be someone making a hurtful comment at one point or another. The best weapon that you can possess is indifference. Your mother is right; all this girl wants is attention, to create a conflict, to stir some waves. She feels good doing it; she feels on top of the situation, she feels important. If it wasn’t you it would be someone else…You can not control what other people say or think about you….with that in mind, you have to make decisions based only on what you think is best for you and not based on what other people might think. If you want to visit your school but are afraid of what people might think because of this incident, don’t be! First of all, by the end of the summer this will probably be completely forgotten and secondly, if you want to go there and visit, nothing should stop you. You are who you are and you do not have to feel accountable for it. Also and even most importantly, you can not feel guilty for someone’s spread rumors! You have to live your life the way you want it, without worrying or making yourself responsible for what other people are doing or saying! I know it is hard in the beginning, but if you can commit to it, I am sure you can do it! If you need to talk to us about this you can always call us at 1-800-668-6868. We are here for you!