"Me and this guy have been dating for 4 weeks. Things are going really fast."


Me and this guy have been dating for 4 weeks. Things are going really fast. We started making out within a week or 2. One day he came over to my house and we went up to my room. We started to make out. He [edited: content] I feel like he is the one and I'm really comfortable with him. Anyway, on Friday we plan to have sex. I feel like everything is going to fast. What should I do?? Ps. Sorry for my bad spelling

Answer from counsellor

I'm glad that you felt comfortable writing to Kids Help Phone about this. We get many posts (chats and phone calls) from young people who are thinking about becoming sexually active so you're definitely not alone with this. While reading your post I could hear that you met someone a month ago and things have been going very quickly in terms of being physical/sexual with one another. I sense that you're feeling really unsure about your plans to have sex. The decision to have sex is a very big decision... and there's lots to think about when deciding whether or not you are ready to take that step. The first thing I want to mention is that if the age in your profile is correct, then you can only legally consent to sexual activity with a young person who is no more than 5 years older than you... and who is not in a position of power over you, like a coach, teacher, etc. You didn't mention the age of your boyfriend so I just wanted to check in around that just to be safe. Manalope11, do you feel like you can have a completely open and honest conversation with him about what you are and what you aren't ready for (boundaries)? Many people say that if you can't talk about sex then you're not ready to be having it. What do you think about this? Does your boyfriend know that you have been feeling like things are going too quickly? If so, how has he responded to you when you've mentioned this? In healthy relationships your partner will respect your boundaries and will not pressure you to do something that you aren't comfortable doing. Do you think your boyfriend would respect you and your decision if you decided not to have sex? Or if you said that you weren't going to do anything sexual (even things you've done) until you do feel more comfortable with that decision? It is absolutely okay for you to change your mind. At ANY time. A big thing to consider when thinking about having sex is how you will protect yourself if you have sex - from unplanned pregnancy and Sexually Transmitted Infections. Have you spoke about safe sex with your boyfriend? Do you know how to access condoms, other methods of birth control you may want to use, etc.? Another thing to think about is what would happen if despite taking precautions you did find yourself dealing with an unplanned pregnancy or infection. What would you do, how would you feel? This relationship sounds like it's pretty new. If you were to have sex with your boyfriend and the relationship were to end soon afterwards would you regret your decision? If you kept dating but having sex changed the dynamics of the relationship how would you feel about that? When young people write to us about how they're considering becoming sexually active we often refer them to a website called Scarleteen. They have an article called "Ready Or Not:? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist" that I'd encourage you to check it out - it outlines many, many things that you should consider before becoming sexually active: scarleteen.com/article/relationships/ready_or_not_the_scarleteen_sex_readiness_checklist It's important to trust your gut feeling, so if you're not sure that' you're ready to have sex it's absolutely okay (and encouraged) to wait until you don't have any doubts and feel that you are ready to take that step. I hope you'll connect with us again if you need to. You can call us 24/7 for more immediate support. 1-800-668-6868.