"is this sexual harassment? How can I deal with this guy?"

Question

Hello Kids Help Phone. It's 2:30 am at the current moment and there are so many things that I want to talk about. You see, I have truly loved this boy all through the year. He is kind, smart and cute. It seems as though he doesn't like me though. I really love this boy. He has been on my mind all summer! Puberty has made me more tempted to masturbate and have sex. I have masturbated before, in fact for the past week I have been doing it every night. I don't even understand why I am doing it. Is this ok? Oh and the last thing: There is this boy that added me on msn. He was in a huge group conversation that I was in. Anyways, he added me and started to talk with me. He lived in my area so I decided It would be alright to talk to him. He knows some of my old friends. Anyways, he is always begging me to do stuff on my webcam. He wants me to strip and show myself on cam.. is this sexual harassment? How can I deal with this guy? Thanks so much!

Answer from counsellor

I have to say, I really like your title, it really seems to capture it all doesn't it?! Let's start with the boy... I can tell you really like him by the way you talk about him. Crushes can be so strong that it's normal that you find yourself thinking about the person all the time. You seem rather convinced that he doesn't like you like that and I wonder why? Have you ever told him that you like him, did he flat out say that he's not interested or is just a vibe you get? The reason I am asking is because it isn't always a good idea to jump to conclusions and just assume that someone isn't interested in you by the way they act. He could be a very shy guy, you never know. How well do you know him anyway? Is he someone that you've spent time with and gotten to know? If not, I would suggest that you try to become friendly with him. Try talking to him and getting to know him on a friendly level and see where things go. As for masturbation, it's completely normal to be tempted and have the urge. Even if it's every night, that's completely normal. You don't have to worry that something's wrong with you. People have varying degrees of interest in masturbating. Some may do it rarely others, once or twice a week, some everyday and others, more than once a day. Just like people vary in other respects, so do they when it comes to their sexual drives. That's why humans are so unique! If that boy is trying to coerce you into doing something you don't want to, then that is harassment. I am wondering why you still have him as a contact on MSN? You don't have to keep him there. You can block and delete him so that he can't continue to harass you. It's never a good idea to give out personal information on the web, no matter how well you know someone, or if they know your friends. It's an even worse idea to do anything sexually explicit using a webcam because the other person can retain a copy and that can cause lots of problems if they decided to show it to someone. Not to menton, your age. You are still a minor and if this boy is older than 13, he can get into legal trouble for trying to get you to do those sexually explicit things. I think it would be a good idea to talk to your parents or a trusted adult about this boy and what he's been asking you to do. An adult should be made aware. For now, I am really hoping that you will delete him as your contact and not engage him anymore. It's a good thing you wrote in and asked us your questions. I always think it's better to ask and double check, rather than wonder. I hope this helps you, take good care, write back if you need anymore help.