“After we broke up, he asked out my friend…”

This question was submitted to Kids Help Phone by a young person and answered by one of our professional counsellors.

Question

I recently broke up with my boyfriend. I felt as he was distancing himself from me. Let me begin, we dated 3 times (in total) but this time was different. This time, we dated [edit: content] months. I know that isn’t a lot.. But i actually was in love with him. I put up with people making fun of me for dating, i tried EVERYTHING to keep him happy, i spent money on him and everything. All of his friends became my closest friends and his family became like my second family. His little sister and i got really close and i thought of her as my little sister (and still do) but lately, he wasn’t treating me the same. He started smoking weed, never texting me, barely answering the phone when i called him, and not making any effort in the relationship anymore whatsoever. Anywho, i was madly in love with him and he claimed to be too. But what really PISSES ME OFF is that [edit: content] AFTER WE BROKE UP, he asked out my friend and she said YES. I mean, i was livid. AND she decided to lie to me about it. Since she can’t keep a boyfriend for more than a week, she dumped him the day after. But that isn’t the point. She broke the friend code and im really hurt. I’m also upset that he moved on so fast. I thought he loved me. And the only reason i broke up with him was because the relationship was causing me so much stress that i couldn’t go 2 days without crying about something… Help:(

Answer

Aww, I’m so sorry to hear about what you have been going through. No wonder you are feeling so hurt and upset! I am really glad you reached out to talk about this. Just to let you know, I edited a couple of the more specific details in your post, just to further protect your identity- hope you’re ok with that. Sounds like you really made an effort with your boyfriend to make the relationship work, but unfortunately, he wasn’t treating you the way you deserved to be treated and the relationship ended. He then started going out with your friend only a short time after this. I can only imagine how hurt you felt, and I am really sorry that happened. Break-ups can be really tough, and in your case, it is especially difficult because it also involves your friend, who lied to you about this. This is a double betrayal and can be so hurtful because the person you would usually go to for support after a break up (your friend) is now part of what is causing you so much pain. You have every right to feel angry, hurt, upset and sad, as well as any other feelings that may be coming up. I am hoping that there are other friends around you right now that you can lean on for support. It is definitely going to be a healing process for you for the next little while, so make sure to get all the support and do all the self-care that you can, ok? Here is a link with some helpful tips for coping after a break-up: http://kidshelpphone.ca/Teens/InfoBooth/Dating/The-post-breakup-blues.aspx As for your friend, do you feel like the relationship can be saved? Do you want to talk to her about? I can completely respect the fact that it may take some time to get to that point, if that is what you decide to do. In the meantime, please know that we are here for you. You can call us anytime, 24/7: 1-800-668-6868. You can also connect with us on Live Chat, Wednesday- Sunday, 6pm- 2am EST. Thanks for reaching out to us. Again, I am so sorry all of this happened, please take good care of yourself.