“I hate having boobs, I don’t like them at all.”

This question was submitted to Kids Help Phone by a young person and answered by one of our professional counsellors.

Question

well I’m a girl, and I hate having boobs, I don’t like them at all. even thought they are very small. and I get teased about them being small.I want to act like a guy and look like one. but I don’t actually want to be a guy, so you could say that I am a tomboy.Normally I wear a sports bra because they flatten my breasts out and they are more comfortable than a normal bra. I’ve been thinking about binding my chest to minimize them even more, but i still get really embarrassed when guys notice how small my boobs are. Also I haven’t mentioned anything to my mom about being unhappy with my body, I don’t think she’d understand, she’d just get mad at me. I need to be confident in myself but it’s hard to because I’m still trying to discover who I am and what my style is. I need some help.

Answer

Thanks for writing in about this. Confidence, puberty, and personal style are important areas to think about. I get the sense that there are parts of your body that you do not feel comfortable with. Seems like you feel the need to hide this part of you. There seems to also be a sense of pressure to be confident in yourself while figuring out who you are. There are a lot of changes and pressure going on during adolescence. It certainly makes sense why you would be feeling confused. In this post we will talk about the pressures and expectations of adolescence, the need to feel confident, and how to stay true to discovering who you are. It is normal and almost expected that adolescents will dislike some part of their body. This is especially the case when we live in a culture that encourages unrealistic standards. The main thing that makes these standards unrealistic is that everyone is different. Trying to meet certain standards like having large breasts, being super thin, or dressing with the most current fashion is tough because it strips individuals of their uniqueness. So perhaps an idea to work towards is body acceptance. Know that you are not alone in the struggle to conform to what is “desirable.” It seems that the desire to conform clashes with what you actually want. This is what might produce the confusion. I’ll ask you some questions below to try and help you explore this concept. You don’t necessarily have to like every part of your body. Can you imagine being okay with something even though you don’t like it? Instead of focusing on what you don’t like, can you focus on parts of your body that you do like? You mentioned some important things in your post. One that it is hard to feel confident when you are still trying to discover who you are, and two, you want to act and look like a guy. Firstly, it IS hard to feel confident when you are still young and trying to figure out what you like, who you like, your style, preferences, etc. It’s hard to be who we are in a world with expectations and judgment. Confidence is something that takes time to develop. Figuring this out is a process that can’t be rushed. So getting to know what you want can happen with experimenting with different kinds of styles. Then it can take courage to stick with what you want, if it is outside the norm. Figuring out what that is and embracing it, is when you may start to feel confident in yourself and your choices. Placing focus on other aspects of your life can expand the focus on finding things to feel confident about besides your body. What sorts of subjects in school are you interested in? What activities excite you? What personality traits do you like about yourself? So, getting help may come in different forms. It might come in body acceptance, exploring what you like and what you don’t, taking interest in other things important to you, and talking to someone you trust about all the changes going on within you. We’re always here to help you process that, 1-800-668-6868.