“How should I tell him I just want to be friends now?”

This question was submitted to Kids Help Phone by a young person and answered by one of our professional counsellors.


I used to like him.But not anymore. I don’t know how to explain it, but I don’t think I am attracted to him, or anything else for that matter. Like I’m not that kind of girl who wants to be in a relationship. Am I aromantic?? I fangirl, but not for anything that involves me. How should I tell him I just want to be friends now?


Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us. Based on what you have described, it sounds like the feelings you once had for this guy, no longer exist and you are wondering what that means. Let’s explore this some more… It’s very common for feelings to change. It’s natural to be attracted to someone, then to not feel anything anymore. We can’t help who we like and what we feel…or when those feelings just disappear. This just happens it’s not something we have a whole lot of control over. Just because you may not want to be in a relationship right now does not mean you are going to feel this way forever. It alone also does not automatically mean that you are “aromantic”. How you choose to identify yourself though, is up to you. As you meet new people, mature and grow as a person, your feelings and attractions towards people can shift as well. New feelings may develop or maybe no feelings at all. For some more information about feelings and attractions, here are two articles you may want to check out: kidshealth.org/teen/sexual_health/guys/sexual_orientation.html kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/relationships/love.html You also asked how you should tell this guy that you just want to be friends now. The truth is that there is no right or wrong way to do this. Anyway that feels comfortable for you is ok. The way you expressed your feelings here might be a good start. Maybe letting them know that you did have feelings, but things feel different for you now. It’s important to note that you don’t need to justify or explain why or how these feelings changed; unless you want to…it’s up to you how much you say. But simply letting them know that feelings can change and yours have, could be one way of doing this. Any other ideas? Thoughts? How do you communicate with this person now? Do you think you might talk to them face to face about this…or do you think you would feel more comfortable over the computer or text message? You decide what feels right and comfortable. I am really glad you decided to turn here and voice these feelings. You are not alone in feeling this way out going through this. I hope that this response gives you some ideas to think about. Know that if you would like to talk about this some more though, please feel free to reach out again anytime (1-800-668-6868). Best of luck and take good care!