“I am so tired of having friends with perfect lives.”
This question was submitted to Kids Help Phone by a young person and answered by one of our professional counsellors.
I am so tired of having friends with perfect lives. No one I meet in my life has anxiety or depression or family or friend problems. So here’s how it goes every time I meet someone new; I get to know them, I ask them questions, hang out with them somewhere. Then, I start to feel like they don’t like me. I get anxious and depressed. I will tell my friend that, and she will not understand or listen to how I’m feeling because she personally has not a single struggle in life. I start to get upset. She gets scared and doesn’t know what to do. And that’s the end of our friendship. Why do I have to have these kind of people in my life? I’m so sick of everyone but me having a perfect life. The current friends I have seem to perfect lives too, they never are upset and have lots of friends unlike me. They want to meet me at a café the day after I am writing this but I am pretty sure I will have my parents drive me all the way there only for my “friends” to not be there because they are upset with me or something. I am sick of having fake friends, and I am sick of having friends with perfect lives. No one else in the world lives with depression or anxiety, so no one understands me. Why can’t someone just like me and care about me and understand and accept me for once? But no one ever will. Everyone is too good for me. Everyone has their own friends and wants nothing to do with me. I will never date either. Why would anyone? Ever?
I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling to feel a connection with your friends. I can see how frustrating it is for you and imagine it must cause you to feel lonely and isolated at times. I’m hearing you say that you feel really alone and believe that no one else struggles with difficulties in their lives. Of course it’s normal for you to feel that way if you believe no one else has similar struggles as you do. I’m wondering if it would be helpful and comforting for you to read some of the posts that others have written to us… by doing that, you would be able to read about others having similar experiences which might help you to not feel so alone?! It sounds like you don’t feel you have many people in your life, especially peers, that you can be your authentic self with. I imagine that must be really difficult and frustrating for you. I’m wondering what kind of a support system you have in your life? What adults are you able to seek support from? Who in your family do you turn to and confide in? Might there be another adult you haven’t yet approached for support, such as a trusted teacher or a counsellor. I’m also wondering if you’ve been officially “diagnosed” with having depression and anxiety by your doctor, as only a doctor can offer a diagnosis. If you haven’t, this might be something worth doing, your doctor can not only offer you a treatment plan, but can help you find further support in learning ways to manage the issues you’ve been struggling with. The issues you’ve been experiencing with your peers will probably take time to figure out… finding people you feel you can truly connect with is a journey and process that can take time. In the meantime however, what can you do in terms of self care? What offers you some comfort when you’re feeling overwhelmed? What are some self care activities you can do just for you? Some people find listening to music to be helpful, or going for a walk, or talking to someone for support. Keep in mind that you can always give us a call, we’re always here! 1-800-668-6868. Be well.