“I know siblings fight, I really do, but its exsessive.”

This question was submitted to Kids Help Phone by a young person and answered by one of our professional counsellors.

Question

Okay so I know siblings fight, I really do, but its exsessive. I mean my brother is the mosg IMMATURE, self centered rat. He tells on me for absolutely EVERYTHING. And he does the most DISGUSTING thing were he keeps putting on my underwear, and when I tell my parents, the do nothing, they dont even care about it. But as soon as i do something (LIKE LEAVE CHICKEN IN THE BASEMENT) and my brother tells on me, my parents FREAK OUT. Theres a system in my house, where my BROTHER is always dominant in whatever argument. Then theres my dad and mom then there me with NO ONE, because the system ALWAYS works against me. I know you’re supposed to ask me “why i feel like my parents like him better”and i honestly CANNOT find a reason. My brother is 18 years old, failed high school, (is currently upgrading in gade 13), he goes drinking every week, is unemployed, doesnt help around the house and hates do work. My family is built up of snitches, EVERYHING i do gets reported throughout the house like a freaking CIA investogation, where I have to be massivly punished. In the summer, i went to sleep at 1 am and my mom took away my phone for a week. I cant express my opinion or tell them to stop because then they provoke me and spread my anger around the house as well. My brother has punched me 5 times in the past year and im 4 years younger than him. Five minutes ago I tried to talk to my mom about the chicken and she said some REALLY provoking things and I said i hated this family. AND OF COURSE 10 seconds ago I hear her gossiping to my dad about it like shes in fricking jigh school.

Answer

Your situation sounds challenging. How frustrating to feel like your parents like your brother better. It makes sense that you would feel so angry! Before getting to that, I want to start with another important part of your message. You mentioned that your brother has punched you 5 times in the past year. This is not ok! No one is allowed to physically harm you, not even your brother. Being punched is actually a type of physical abuse. Physical abuse includes when a parent, a family member (such as a relative or a sibling) or an adult hits, bashes, or physically injures you, or threatens to hurt you. If you’ve already told your parents and they haven’t done anything to protect you…what other adult do you trust to talk to more about this? An aunt or uncle? A teacher or school counsellor? You could also call here at Kids Help Phone 1-888-668-6868 and talk to one of the counsellors. It’s important that you can feel safe in your home and not be afraid of being harmed by your brother, or anyone. So, I see you have already considered why you feel like your parents like your brother better and had no luck with a reason. And you gave some good examples of what makes you feel this is true. He does disgusting things and your parents do nothing, they freak out when he rats on you but they don’t seem to care when you report these details about him. Now here’s a different question – Are there any times you DON’T feel like your parents like your brother better? Can you think of a time when your brother might have thought that you were getting better treatment from your parents? What was happening then? How have you been dealing with this unfair treatment so far? What has worked? What hasn’t worked? What else can you try to improve the dynamic in your family so you don’t feel like they are against you? Just imagine you are much older and wiser than you are now, say 25. What advice would you give to you now about how best to get more control over the situation? I imagine you must be so strong to have gotten through this so far. I like how much respect you have for yourself to know that this treatment is not OK and that you deserve better. You’ve done the right thing, trying to talk to your parents about how hurt you are by what’s going on. Could you try talking to them again with a different approach? And maybe find another adult you trust to share with as well? I hope things will improve soon! Stay strong!

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