“I feel like now I’m just her punching bag.”

This question was submitted to Kids Help Phone by a young person and answered by one of our professional counsellors.

Question

im 17 and my best friend is 19 shes like my big sister, we call eachother sisters and she referes to me as her little sister when she talks about me, weve been close for about a year now. i know thats not a very long time but we clicked very quickly. shes been in an abusive relationship and just got out of it. i helped her through every step of the way i never left her side. even when he came back and started a fight and tried to touch her i ended that real quick. but its been about two months and about two months that she addmitted to me shes on coke. and about two weeks ago she admitted she had a problem with it. she admitted lately she been taking out her anger on me ciz she knows ill still be there. but i feel like bow im just her punching bag. how can someone i looked up to go downhill so fast and become someone i wis i never knew? i have reactive attachment disorder so its realy jard for me to walk away from this unhealthy situation. but i know i need to back away before we end up ruuining our friendship for good and it breaks my heart to see her in this state. what should i do to distance myself from her ? how do i exsplain to her that shes starting to break her lromise of never fiving up on me without her saying i think the world revolves around me? i just want my big sister back who was always there for me and i could look up to. is that so selfish to want to have her back to her happy healthy self?

Answer

Thanks for writing it sounds like you needed to talk about this. I can hear you are concerned about your friend and you want things back the way they were before. I can imagine it is very difficult to see someone you looked up to taking drugs and see how it is affecting them. I know you probably wish you could do more to stop your friend from doing drugs. But it will eventually be up to your friend to seek and accept help to turn her life around. It sounds like you have seen the negative effect of drugs on your friends health and wellbeing. It can be really stressful to try and help a friend and you may need some support yourself. It is good to share you feelings so you don’t have to do this all by yourself. So if there is a trusted adult in your life like a parent teacher or counsellor it might help to let them know what you are going through with your friend. You don’t have to tell them who your friend is if you don’t want to but sharing this with a supportive person in your life might be helpful. Your friend is lucky to have you by there side. But you also have to have your boundaries and limits as to how much you can do and take from your friend. It is not fair or healthy to be a punching bag for your friend. If your friend is doing drugs then her moods will be affected she may take out her anger on you. If you have an attachment disorder it is all that more important to be mindful of your own mental health, so please get some support as well. Please stay in touch if you need additional support. Kids Help phone is always here for you. Bye for now. Take care.

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