It started in Grade 12.
There was a new student at my high school. He was funny, confident, and somehow everyone seemed to know him. We lived in the same neighbourhood, so we’d walk home together almost every day. Somewhere along those walks, I started falling for him.
I grew up in a traditional African household where I was taught to be respectful, quiet, and not stand out too much. I was really shy. I never wore makeup, I was insecure about my dark skin, and I honestly never thought I was the girl someone like him would choose.
So when he did, it felt like everything people had said about me wasn’t true.
Then everyone else had something to say.
People would ask why he was with me. Girls would flirt with him right in front of me, and I’d hear people whispering when we walked by. I laughed it off most of the time, but deep down it hurt. I started comparing myself to everyone around me.
After high school, things slowly changed.
He started hanging around different people, and drugs became part of his life. I didn’t really understand addiction back then. I just thought if I loved him enough or stayed by his side, things would get better.
They didn’t.
Instead, my whole life became about him.
I’d skip class just to make sure he was okay. I lied to my parents about where I was. If he called, I’d answer. If he needed me, I’d go. If he got arrested, I’d be there.
I stopped thinking about what I needed because I was so focused on what he needed.
One day he called me after getting arrested again.
I remember just sitting there holding my phone. My heart wanted to help him like I always did, but for the first time, I knew I couldn’t keep doing this.
I told him, “We’re not going to talk anymore.”
Then I hung up.
I cried a lot after that. Some days I wanted to call him so badly. Healing wasn’t some big moment where everything got better. It happened little by little.
I went back to school. I started spending more time with my family again. I slowly became myself again.
If I could go back and tell 17-year-old me one thing, it would be this:
You can love someone with your whole heart, but you should never have to lose yourself to prove it.
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