For years, I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me.
I was always exhausted. Not the kind of tired where one good night’s sleep would fix it. I could sleep 10 or 12 hours and still wake up feeling like I hadn’t slept at all. I’d sleep through alarms, miss classes, and use every break between lectures just to nap. There were days where even getting up to shower before class felt impossible.
I remember looking around at everyone else and wondering, How are they doing this? My friends could go to school, work, hang out, and still have energy. Meanwhile, I was just trying to make it through the day without falling asleep.
Growing up in an African household, my parents didn’t understand why I was always so tired. They’d compare me to my siblings and tell me I needed to stop being lazy. Looking back, I don’t blame them because they didn’t know what was going on. The hard part was…I started believing them too.
Around that same time, I was also struggling with depression, so everything just felt even heavier. I honestly don’t know where the depression ended and the exhaustion began because they seemed to go hand in hand.
Eventually, I went to my doctor and had blood work done. I remember thinking I’d probably be told to sleep earlier or exercise more. Instead, my doctor told me I was severely anemic. She explained that my iron levels were extremely low and that it could explain why I was so exhausted all the time. She also mentioned that anemia and certain blood conditions can be more common in some East African families.
I honestly wanted to cry.
Not because I had anemia, but because for the first time, someone wasn’t blaming me.
I wasn’t lazy.
There was actually a reason I felt the way I did.
Starting treatment didn’t magically change everything overnight, but it gave me answers. It also taught me to stop being so hard on myself.
I’m sharing this because I know how easy it is to blame yourself when something feels off. Sometimes we convince ourselves that we’re lazy or not trying hard enough, when really our bodies are trying to tell us something. Looking back, I just wish I had been kinder to myself. I hope if anyone reading this feels the same way, they know they’re not alone, and that it’s always okay to ask for help.
Kids Help Phone (KHP) is honoured to share creative content submitted by youth from coast to coast to coast as they Feel Out Loud with us. We thank the Feel Out Loud Community Creator of this piece for their contribution to youth mental health and well-being in Canada. For more information on the Feel Out Loud Community Creator Space and / or how you can submit your own creative content for possible publication, you can visit the submission page.
