Benched

I have spent the entirety of my life inside. Hiding behind blacked-out curtains and closed doors, dwelling in the emotions of my mind, and basking in the emptiness of my room. In the summer, I stay perched at windowsills, observing the mossy green plants arise, knowing that I cannot do the same. If I go out, I will be discriminated against, laughed at, ostracized, taunted, and threatened on the basis of my race, skin colour, texture of my hair in a community where I stand out unintentionally. Eventually, I had the ability to go on a trip to the U.S, to a predominantly black community where rhythm bounced down the sidewalk of block parties, to the silent hum of jazz music by the grandfathers, and the occasional gossip by the grandmothers. The beauty supple store, stocked with my favourite hair gels, edge controls, creams, oils, by a woman whose hair is her crown. Seeing blackness in all of its extremities, to see a rarity accustomed to such a normalcy made me feel differently of the distaste I grew, bitterness I had towards myself and others. In my homogenous small town, I couldn’t sit down on park benches without being stared out, I couldn’t go to school without being called slurs, I couldn’t go to church without experiencing all sorts of micro aggressions. I felt accepted and that acceptance was a silent shove towards accept each aspect of my identity as a black girl. I could sit with the idea of love of identity after standing the concept of experiencing bigotry as just a rain cloud over my head that would never disperse. I could sit with the situation. But, now I had the ability to sit at a park bench, with my sister, and people watch, blackness in all its extremities.

 

Kids Help Phone (KHP) is honoured to share creative content submitted by youth from coast to coast to coast as they Feel Out Loud with us. We thank the Feel Out Loud Community Creator of this piece for their contribution to youth mental health and well-being in Canada. For more information on the Feel Out Loud Community Creator Space and / or how you can submit your own creative content for possible publication, you can visit the submission page.