“I’m just lost… utterly lost…”

This question was submitted to Kids Help Phone by a young person and answered by one of our professional counsellors.

Question

So if you’ve read any of my previous posts from a while ago, I have interest in the military and so forth, and now, I’m actually old enough to join the reserves, and I am again in conflict with my mom. She calls me useless and all that stuff (know it’s not true, and so forth), and I am really getting annoyed of her pushing me through her type of education (which consists of no social interactions and a lot of “reading” and where I don’t really have a say in anything.) I am just ticked off by how my mom can’t see that I have a mind of my own, and that I have my own interests, I don’t want to be a doctor or a lawyer, even though I am capable, I’d prefer my skills be put into different use. And for the time since my last post and now, I’ve been trying to talk to her, but she just won’t listen to me, she’s calling me a thief because I want to be in the armed forces, and she is very unknowledgeable in what other stuff other than Afghanistan our army does. I am also really annoyed that she has to control me all the time, and she treats me like my opinions don’t matter. The thing is, I really find that some non-commission experience in the reserves will do me good because I want to enroll in the RMC (another thing my mom doesn’t agree on). So what should I do, my mom won’t bother listening to me, so that’s hopeless, should I just run away and join up, but that may affect my academics. I’m just lost… utterly lost…

Answer

I’m really sorry to hear that you’re having such a tough time with your mom. That sounds really hurtful the way that she’s been talking to you. I’m really glad to hear that you know yourself well enough to know that you’re worth a lot. That shows a lot of self-confidence. As for your career and future, it’s really important that you do what you want to do and what you find interesting. After all, you’re the one who will be doing the work. And if you’re not interested in the work, it’s going to be a long time that you’ll be doing a job that you don’t like. Talking to your mom about your future has proven not to work. You’ve tried that already… on a number of occasions. I wonder if it might help to have a mediator help you guys hear each other out. Having an adult help both of you hear what the other is saying can be really helpful. Sometimes, it’s easier for adults to listen to other adults rather than adults listening to kids and youth. If this interests you, how about talking to your guidance counsellor? If you want help finding someone to talk to, how about giving us a call or writing again with the name of your community (we’ll delete it if you write) and we can look that up for you. I hope this helps to give you some ideas of how to deal with this. We’re here for you on the web and 24/7 on the phones. We’re free, confidential and anonymous. Take care and hang in there!!