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this poem is called “it’s my fault I’m not enough”. I wrote this poem when I was feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and feeling like there was no way out.
why can’t i be good enough
i dwell on the past, and every mistake
i cant be good enough no matter how hard i try
randomly breaking down crying isn’t fun
but it’s hidden underneath my mask
shaking in your room all alone isn’t fun
but you cant see it behind my smile
you dont see the anxiety or depression
you dont see the mental scars
you wouldnt be able to tell that my mom tried to kill herself
and that i had to talk her out of it
you dont see the abusive father
that never once apologized
maybe it’s all my fault
i made the stupidest mistakes
i think it’s all my fault
i probably deserve this
i must be my fault
i am a horrible person
it is all my fault
i completely deserve this
with this mask and smile you can’t see anything
nothing
nothing at all
i am a cheater
i am a liar
i am a manipulator
underneath this mask
i feel as if i am worth nothing at all
I struggle with anxiety and expectations (parents and my own). I reached out to Kids Help Phone, and they helped me out. I know that things will get better eventually, that I am not alone.
To whoever might read this, know that you are not alone. I struggle with sadness and hopelessness on a regular basis. Know that even if it doesn’t feel like it, you are loved and deserve to be loved. Know that you are more than your feelings. know that even though i don’t know you, that I believe in you, that you WILL overcome your challenges and obstacles. Discover healthy coping mechanisms, such as talking to trusted people, and listening or creating music or art. Find your people, and find happiness. You can do this, you’ve got this.
Kids Help Phone (KHP) is honoured to share creative content submitted by youth from coast to coast to coast as they Feel Out Loud with us. We thank the Feel Out Loud Community Creator of this piece for their contribution to youth mental health and well-being in Canada. For more information on the Feel Out Loud Community Creator Space and / or how you can submit your own creative content for possible publication, you can visit the submission page.
