Have you ever felt constantly excluded? Walking behind every group gathering, staying silent, doing your own thing while everyone else strikes up a friendly conversation? Whenever this situation occurs, I can’t help but question: “Am I not enough?” or “Why can’t I be like them?”
These questions have always lingered in my mind. This slowly led me to doubting myself. It began to affect my confidence, but has also led me to think: “Am I not worthy enough to be seen?”
For a long time, I hid my struggles with a smile. From the outside, I looked fine — even happy, but no one knew how I truly felt. I didn’t want people to think I was weak or striving for attention. I felt like I needed to disguise myself, pretending that I was doing “fine”. Sometimes I felt like I was living a double life — hiding my true feelings.
This struggle has made a huge impact on my life. The hobbies I once enjoyed now felt like a competition. I just wanted to become better than them, so I could shine — be noticed by others. I simply wanted to feel included. But no matter how hard I tried, it felt like I was slowly becoming worse.
There were also times where I would purposely skip social events — not because I didn’t want to go, but because I felt like I didn’t belong. It felt like a barrier was set. I felt unworthy to be seen by others. I didn’t have any skills to show off. Because of my thoughts, breaking down in silence became a habit.
I constantly sat in my room letting my negative thoughts take over me, making my tears fall slowly, one by one, down my cheeks. I felt like a bird, being stuck in a cage, unable to shine. That was when I knew I needed someone to talk to. Someone who is willing to listen to how I feel.
One day, someone completely changed my perspective. We were taking a walk around the park and I found myself breaking down… I was opening up my bottled feelings. I couldn’t keep them in for any longer.
She asked me why I was crying. I didn’t reply. Instead, she sat with me in silence. When I was ready to express my deepest feelings, she listened to my struggles. She calmed me down and told me my worth. And that taught me how not to be affected by someone’s opinions.
From that day on, I felt proud of who I am. I felt worthy. I gained more confidence. And most importantly, I learned that you are never alone.
If you have ever felt this way, opening up your bottled feelings will help. Breaking down is one of the ways to become stronger. And remember, you are worthy.
Kids Help Phone (KHP) is honoured to share creative content submitted by youth from coast to coast to coast as they Feel Out Loud with us. We thank the Feel Out Loud Community Creator of this piece for their contribution to youth mental health and well-being in Canada. For more information on the Feel Out Loud Community Creator Space and / or how you can submit your own creative content for possible publication, you can visit the submission page.
