Back to School, Until It’s Not
Ahh… the first day of school.
That familiar hum in the air
happiness, excitement
and that quiet flutter of anxiety
that sits in your stomach like a secret.
It is the good kind, though
with walking back into a place that feels like home.
But this time it feels different.
Because this is not just any first day.
This is the last first day.
It slips in as you cross the campus grounds
as you pass the same trees you have passed for years
and realize you are noticing every detail.
The leaves look softer
the air feels heavier
The hallways echo louder.
You walk slower now
as if your feet know this place is temporary
and they want to memorize the sound of every step.
Oh how you believed time would unfold endlessly.
And that school would last forever.
You want to tell them
To hold on to this
because one day you will blink
and it will be your final first day.
Everything feels so tender now.
The classrooms you used to rush through
feel smaller and warmer
their walls filled with the weight of memory.
You notice the little things
the quiet hum of the library printer
the way your professor’s voice sounds softer than before.
You remember the late nights in these halls
studying until your eyes blurred
the group projects that made you laugh and sometimes cry
the friendships that surprised you and shaped you.
You realize
these are the moments you will hold onto
that will become extraordinary in memory.
Back to school until it is not.
Until the semester slips through your fingers
the way it always does.
But this time the end feels closer
you can almost hear it
like a clock softly ticking in the background.
It is scary.
Scary to know the place that shaped you
will not always be yours to return to.
Scary to wonder what life will look like
when there is no more back to school each September
no more syllabi to guide you
no more familiar rhythms to fall into.
But there is beauty in it too.
Because the final first day reminds you to pause.
Kids Help Phone (KHP) is honoured to share creative content submitted by youth from coast to coast to coast as they Feel Out Loud with us. We thank the Feel Out Loud Community Creator of this piece for their contribution to youth mental health and well-being in Canada. For more information on the Feel Out Loud Community Creator Space and / or how you can submit your own creative content for possible publication, you can visit the submission page.
