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His voice echos in my mind like an eerie scream in a tunnel.
He is out there living like nothing happened.
But the scariest thing happened.
It’s like I am watching it on replay.
Blurry eyes and fury in my mind.
I can’t stop thinking, that it’s my fault.
I screamed but no noise came out.
It was as silent as 2 a.m. in a field of thorns.
Didn’t think I would make it. Now I re-live it daily in my mind. I’m not an object, I felt discomfort, disgusting, I hate the way I am. What 40 year old does that to a 9 year old? It’s like a visit to the past, Tried several medications shoved down to numb the pain. Got so bad I turned to drugs.
The scariest thing.
I have to live with it.
I have to “move on,” they say.
I watch my mind slowly decay into a black sludge.
Now he gets away with it?
My guard is up so no one can do it again.
I lost my trust, I feel like giving up.
Can’t even do anything a normal teenager would, because I’m too afraid of what happened, happening again.
So I am constantly living the scariest thing over and over again.
Kids Help Phone (KHP) is honoured to share creative content submitted by youth from coast to coast to coast as they Feel Out Loud with us. We thank the Feel Out Loud Community Creator of this piece for their contribution to youth mental health and well-being in Canada. For more information on the Feel Out Loud Community Creator Space and / or how you can submit your own creative content for possible publication, you can visit the submission page.
