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Dear Friend.
My name is Nara. I am a young woman living in Alberta. I love reading, video games, horseback riding, snowboarding, weightlifting, singing, and my pets. Last night, I went to a concert. And at that concert, I remember saying out loud – I love my life.
All of these things may seem insignificant and anecdotal at most, but when I tell you my story, you will realize how important they are to me. I was 4 the first time I experienced Adverse Childhood Trauma at the hands of my peers, and that continued up until I was 18. I was 11 the first time I discovered self-harm to cope. I was 12 when I was diagnosed with Depression, Anxiety, and ADHD. I was 14 the first time I had a drink. I was 15 the first time I did a drug. I was 16 when I became an addict. I was 17 the first time I attempted suicide. I was 20 when I was diagnosed with BPD and Bipolar 2. And while I don’t remember a lot of my childhood, I do remember how it felt. I remember how alone I felt – and sometimes still feel. I remember how scared I was that I was going to feel grey and blue and black and nothing for the rest of my life. I remember feeling like I had no one to talk to and how ashamed I was of feeling so awful all the time. I remember wishing every day that there was a magic pill that could FIX me or take my pain away. And if you’re reading this in need of support, I reckon you may feel that way, too. So to the person reading this who also may be struggling, I have some words for you.
I know you feel like these feelings will last forever. I know you feel like the sun won’t shine for you and that the strangers passing by think you’re invisible. But I promise you that you are SO special. And those feelings you have inside you? They deserve to be held gently and with kindness, no matter how black or blue or grey they are. You DESERVE the space you take up. It took me a long time to recognize that my life has value, just as I’m sure it will also take you time. But talking about it is the first step, like how I’m talking to you right now. In a world where human connection is lacking, we need to be vulnerable. I know how scary it can be. I am still scared to feel out loud. But when isolation seems like the best option, I PROMISE you that connection is even better. There are so many things I thought I couldn’t overcome that I overcame. And I know you can overcome them too, because now I’m 25 and I am living proof. The world is a better place with you in it, so let’s start talking.
Kids Help Phone (KHP) is honoured to share creative content submitted by youth from coast to coast to coast as they Feel Out Loud with us. We thank the Feel Out Loud Community Creator of this piece for their contribution to youth mental health and well-being in Canada. For more information on the Feel Out Loud Community Creator Space and / or how you can submit your own creative content for possible publication, you can visit the submission page.
