Some people may find the content on this page upsetting. The content contains descriptions related to drowning. No matter what you’re feeling, you’re not alone. Kids Help Phone is available 24/7 to offer support through our e-mental health services.
The Weight of Water
My hands glide through the air so effortlessly
My ligaments move as carefree as a young child
connection with others comes with such ease
My smile is bright like the rays of our sun
But then
Suddenly, I’m falling
So, so far down
The air is thick now
I realize that it is not air, but water
A swimming pool
A dark, wet, cold
Swimming pool
It takes ten times the amount of effort to move the way I used to
My lungs are burning up
Even breathing and thinking feel too difficult
I yell for help
Only echoes answer my calls
I’m numb from the cold
Everyone is still on land
Why am I in the dark pool?
I did not ask to be here
To them, it seems as if I fell by choice
She has become so lazy, they say
I look for the ladder with all the energy I have left
It’s not a lot, though
I’m tired of treading
It is nowhere in my sight
The pool is too dark
All lights are turned off
The darkness of the bottom tells me to join it
Come, come, it exclaims
With no ladder in sight
And my body is screaming with ache
The bottom looks beautiful
A little voice in my head perks up
Keep going, it says
You’ve been here before
And you have found the ladder before
Okay, I whisper back to the voice
I’ll find it again
The lights in the room begin to turn on
There’s not one, but hundreds of ladders
They have all been here this whole time
It was just too dark for me to see them
It’s hard to climb up with my exhaustion
But, I get back on land
A warm towel is draped over my body
The numbness leaves
A smile grows on my face
It’s not a new feeling
Just a long-lost friend
I got out of the pool
I did it
As I did before
And as I may do again
Kids Help Phone (KHP) is honoured to share creative content submitted by youth from coast to coast to coast as they Feel Out Loud with us. We thank the Feel Out Loud Community Creator of this piece for their contribution to youth mental health and well-being in Canada. For more information on the Feel Out Loud Community Creator Space and / or how you can submit your own creative content for possible publication, you can visit the submission page.
