Defining the Odds: Self-Harm and Suicidal Thoughts Recovery

By: Hannah
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Some people may find the content on this page upsetting. No matter what you’re feeling, you’re not alone. Kids Help Phone is available 24/7 to offer support through our e-mental health services. 


Mental health has always been something that I’ve struggled with ever since I was 12; I went through trauma and did not have any education on an option for proper coping mechanisms and help that I needed. I began self-harming on and off since I was 13/14 years old. I first wanted to end my own life around the same time my self-harm began; I was just a kid looking for an escape from all the pain I had endured in the short time I had been alive.
My self-harm slowly became an addiction, one of which I did not know existed: self-harm addiction? What’s that? I wondered; however, deep down, I knew that was my problem; I itched for the relief self-harming provided me with.
I realized it was bad when I began to constantly try to end my life a few times a week, and every time I failed, I would be more upset and disappointed in myself because I felt as if I were not worthy of this life anymore.
I ended up with bad infections that entered into my bloodstream due to not taking care of my wounds, resulting in the easier visibility of my self-harm scars and wounds… meaning it was destined for someone to find out… learn my biggest secret yet…
Word got out, my self-harm had to stop… that’s what everyone thought. It did not stop; it just became more discrete for a while while I worked towards recovery and staying clean. I never thought I would be clean from self-harm, but here I am; it is very much possible. If I can anyone can.
I now know not to take my life for granted and that I should use my experience to let others know that suffering in silence shouldn’t be the first and only option when it comes to mental health; we need the stigma to end and scream it loud that “mental health matters!”
The most important message for youth and adults reading this is that it is okay to not be okay, just don’t let it define you and don’t stay in that rut. Let’s normalize asking for help before it becomes bad; it can save your life to ask before it’s too late. There is nothing wrong with wanting that support.
As someone who has used the system for years now and has gotten the help I need, the Kids Help Phone is a great first step to help give guidance on talking to someone about the situation and how to go about doing so.


Kids Help Phone (KHP) is honoured to share creative content submitted by youth from coast to coast to coast as they Feel Out Loud with us. We thank the Feel Out Loud Community Creator of this piece for their contribution to youth mental health and well-being in Canada. For more information on the Feel Out Loud Community Creator Space and / or how you can submit your own creative content for possible publication, you can visit the submission page.